We need to outlaw single-occupancy vehicles.

Most are still dead.

Just look at that short-fingered ceratopsian.

My Little Goatse

In my experience, you get frustrated and worry that unemployment benefits are going to run out soon.

“The power of Chronic compels you!”

Your team sucks.

Apparently she invited a politician to thank her and not be political?

She’s not transformational in, say, the way you helped George Bush and Dick Cheney “transform” the Middle East, Secretary Powell?

To be fair, War Criminals is a pretty metal name for a band.

You can’t be too rich or too lecithin.

Here’s the financial news you need to know: According to the Census Bureau, the poor are finally getting a few crumbs. This means the Fed is going to put the brakes on, because as soon as the poor start to get anything, we have to worry about “inflationary pressures.”

You want productivity, you get a BlackBerry. Everyone knows that.

I’m still using PalmOS for my dick needs. HairyPalmOS.

This marks the most dog shit in [name of park] since [bad player commenter well-versed in sports would reference] was traded to [that other team].

We decided the best route to put poo into a water balloon was to initially shit into a plastic bag, cut off the bottom corner and squeeze it into the water balloon.

WHAT ABOUT THE PEE-MAILS?!