I’ve done A LOT of drugs in Maine, and I honestly got them all from white folk.

What a waste of effort and resources, when yesterday was, in fact, National Duck out for a Drink Day.

Aren’t your second type, by definition, wholly included in the third type?

Freddie defender, until the next pop-up falls.

And you were the first person ever to make a joke like that, too!

So . . . that's what Max Martin and Rami Yacoub told her? Since, y'know, they wrote it?

Fragile + tangibly fungible.

Hey, at least it wasn’t *immigrant* violence.

I know Kovaleski — not particularly well, but I have been in the same room with him on a number of occasions and conversed with him several times.

Blue Jays? I thought this guy was a Pilate.

It means “Dick in the road.”

Urologist going to make dick jokes, aren’t you?

“America First! Sent from my iPhone” is the dystopian motto of our times.

“Doug’s not here.”

Wow, Joey’s really sticking his neck out there on this one.

I'm really glad to discover you weren't insulting Redd Foxx.

This terrible pun deserves a bronze cheer.

“And our lower-case-j journalists suck, but — synergy!”

I dirty danced with a Pokemon once, and I caught Zikachu.

I’m thinking “American University of Afghanistan” is ripe for a rebranding, if they want to reduce the frequency of this type of incident.