That’s cute, but novelties like these quickly fall out of fashion, and I’d much prefer a certified letter from a prestigious law firm clearing my name of any and all wrongdoing anyway.

Bow Wow has an ouster, so his method sure as shit isn’t double-blind.

LOL GTFO

He looks like Chucky in that profile shot.

If you won’t appreciate flattering bulges from handsome men like Jon Hamm or Justin Theroux, then I will. #GayGratitude

Serious question: who thinks Sessions will target Clinton just to further push the bullshit rationale behind Comey’s firing?

As little as I like him, Ben Shapiro’s Twitter feed from today is fucking rich.

It’s very anxiety alleviating to have listened to such devastating intelligence and elegance from Mr. O again. He’s the ex we never deserved, and who never needed us. I hope we can still see Michelle, Sasha, and Malia during the holidays.

Tell the world my story!

If the Republicans keep screwing their constituents, they may get reelected by them.

Who doesn’t want love and free stuff? Y’all chastising him for this admission are some sanctimonious liars. Y’all don’t deserve Valentine!

The man looks like every Malibu real estate agent in a pink polo shirt and Oakley’s who killed his assistant professor of marine biology wife for his in-law’s business inheritance and to cover up an affair with a blonde real estate upstart who enjoys water skiing and equus sport despite support from their Pentecostal…

This isn’t the second Unbreakable sequel I expected.

Maybe the wall will keep out Mexicans, but it’s susceptible to Slender Man.

Mexico’s gonna pay for the wall via Lowe’s gift cards.

Wallers: Coming to HBO 2018

Bollard wall! Levy wall! Paul Wall!

It’s a levy wall because Mexicans are literally flooding in America!

Trump’s commissioning the construction crew behind WWE Elimination Chamber to Build That Wall!