True story:

What a coincidence, because I was thinking about Idris Elba when I broke my own speed record.

Yes I agree! It was awesome! I’m really curious about everything to do with sex whereas my partner is not (despite him being my first and he having sex with other people previously). I started watching it without him then decided it would do him good to see what else is out there, and it has sparked some great…

Not gonna lie, I cried like a baby when I found out. I was like “wat? WAT?!” and then I called my mother, texted my BFF, and just started BAWLING. It’s been a serious suck on my overall happiness and wellbeing over the last year.

It was a grave disappoint and personal insult to me to get to college and discover that astronomy was nothing but physics with an attitude problem. I grew up stargazing with my dad and chasing comets with our telescope and stuff. Man, fuck you, physics.

Bill is an absolutely ludicrous name for that puppy. A+.

As a person, I say, “DANG, that’s cold, yo.” As an English teacher, I say, “DAMN STRAIGHT.”

My little sister came home one day sobbing and said “my friend hung himself.” My mom patted her on the shoulder and said, “hanged.”

“I wish I was unbeaten.”

Speaking as a former child of a physically abusive dad, they are all cowards. After I turned 16 I got big enough I could stop the abuse. I'll never forget the look on my dads face when I told him, if you lay one hand on me, I will kill you, and I may not succeed, but you will be very messed up, I promise you. He never…

These numbers can’t be accurate if they included Michelle Duggar.

This is an abomination and I’m ashamed to live in a world were this happens and people pay money to look at this shit.

She’s right, though. I sprung fully-grown from my father’s forehead at about age 25. #Athena

If tomorrow all my things were gone

There are two types of customers: those who adhere to a Copernican/Galilean heliocentric model of the Solar System and those who don't. The former are rational human beings who understand that the world revolves around the Sun. The latter are unrepentant assholes who are truly convinced that they are the center of…

HA I was just about to post this.

My Netflix subscription?

I don't like sunny-side up. That's a little much even for me. My favorite is over-medium, but that's nearly impossible to get since most places have no idea what the fuck that means and just do over-easy when you order it.

Maybe I'm being an over-sensitive doink here, but it doesn't really read to me like the neighbors were aiming to help anybody. It seems like they were laughing at a guy who threatened suicide (not the first time I've seen NYCers do this).

This was incredible, and exactly what I needed right now.