You need to re-watch Animal House. The Delta “initiation” consisted of a big beer blast that ended with singing “Louie Louie”. The Omegas had the less pleasant hazing.

I don’t know how people can listen to any sports talk programs. Watch the games, maybe catch some highlights... but some d-bag issuing hot takes all week? Ugh, no thanks. Mike Francesa is a multimillionaire and it is utterly inexplicable. He repeats himself over and over and over like rain man. And is a haughty…

i got pregnant in August and the election has really taken the wind out of my sales regarding my level of excitement.

My friend knew a guy who knew a guy that worked security at Shea. He got us on the field for BP, which was exciting enough for me. But he also said “I’ll get Mike Piazza to come say hello”. I was skeptical, knowing Mike’s surly pregame reputation, but my wife brought an authentic jersey hoping he’d sign it. Not…

I was sitting in a midtown bar/restaurant with my friend and our wives. This was like the week the first iPhone came out and my friend had one. An older gent walking by noticed it, stopped and said “Wow, hey, look at that! Can I see it?” and fiddled with it for a few seconds, then stuck it in his pocket, said…

Secondly... cui bono? Why pretend he was blind? What’s the point? It’s not like people buy Stevie Wonder records out of pity or something.

Van Jones isn’t “too smart” for anything. He’d eat paste if people didn’t smack his hand.

I want Van Jones the 9/11 truther / Mumia Abu-Jamal supporter back. In other words, the imbecile.

How did unfettered immigration work out for your people?

“That’s something so many liberals lack—a true commitment to want to run other people’s lives.”

I hide all my nice stuff. My wife wants to cook like a caveman, she can use the shitty tools people give us as gifts. “Hey. where’s that really sharp knife? I want to cut hack some chicken on a glass surface.” “Uh, I dunno.”

Someone told me if you have one of those fancy multi-channel sound systems, you can turn off the center one with the broadcasters on it and then all you get is the background noise.

I’ve seen fistfights over seat-saving at grade-school recitals. I live in Staten Island, so YMMV.

John Facenda v/o would improve almost everything. Add in some kettle drums and a horn section, and all the kindergarden graduation ceremonies I had to attend would be worth it.

I was that guy too. While all the “adults” were upstairs arguing politics, telling the same shitty stories for the tenth time, or gossiping about the relatives who weren’t there, I would be with all the kids playing Hot Wheels and Super Heroes and board games. I used to bring toys and games from my (70s) childhood…

I worked in a commodities exchange for a couple years right out of college. I decided I hated everything about it and wanted to do something more meaningful with my life. So I got a job in advertising. <Insert your own punch line.>

Two teams in the largest market in the country shared costs and they still wouldn’t put a dome or retractable roof on it. Yeah, sign me up for that week 17 tilt in 33-degree sleet.

Nah. The Jets have been good, and entertaining, fairly recently. They’ve also been bad and entertaining. The “Who Gives a Shit” lineup has to be headed by Tennessee. Or Houston. I can never tell them apart. Two horseshit vanilla teams that as far as I know always finish between 4-12 and 9-7, have never had a…

Yankee and Met fans break each others’ balls all day, Ranger fans do the same to Islanders types... but no one has the heart to hassle Jet fans. It’s like making fun of the “special” kid in class. It’s just mean, and there’s no fun in it.

I feel like we need to preface our remarks with “Sexual assault is bad, mmkay”... but I second this. The radio news this morning said that Brando actually raped her on-camera. This sounds to me a lot more like they made a script change the actress didn’t much care for. Why is this a story?