Hey, I like corn dogs.

If I wasn't trying so hard not to do work right now I would have ignored them. But also I want to shame people into reading the thread BEFORE commenting. JEEZ

haha apologies. I am just so annoyed. Mostly because people automatically assumed that I just did not GET the joke. Like no I got it, but I don't think it was very good.

Drink until you can't stand up, order in whores and pizza. Get your girls up early for a quick trip to the emergency room for "morning after" pills and then some pancakes.

My best friend/maid of honor and I spent a night in a hotel in Palm Springs together - we smoked weed in the bathroom, drank wine by the pool, ate expensive Mexican food, laughed at the tacky tourists, window shopped for expensive jewelry - basically the best things about our friendship. I was a month away from the…

Oh, hometown, you never disappoint.

Paramedics say quick thinking employees saved the victim by slapping a melted cheese square on the wound to stop the bleeding.

It's domestic violence dressed up as erotica. And if there's one thing this movie is not, it's erotic. One star out of five, Dicky. And that's only because of the excellent Choc-top I consoled myself with later.

My super awesome mom, after years of working as a successful independent consultant, recently accepted a job as an executive/c-suite level employee at a financial firm. She is the only woman executive. During her first week, another executive told her part of her duties would be to cover the phones when the…

I can cite so many examples of this, but my favorite was the male attorney who asks me to fix the copy machine when it jams. It took me years to finally come up with the proper response, "Ray, I went to the same law school as you, and they still don't offer any office equipment repair classes."

Empathy..ask your Doctor if it's right for you!

My grandmother had a serious boyfriend before she met my grandfather and she said that the main reason she broke it off was because he ate like a damn pig. She said "I couldn't imagine having to watch that at least twice a day for the rest of my life".

i'm not a fashion plate, i don't express myself through clothes, so to me, clothes are to 1) keep you warm and 2) hide your junk. these garments appear to fail at fully half the job of clothes.

Sorry. My right to bite you ends at your skin.

If the difference between terminating an anencephalic fetus at 21 weeks and euthanizing a senior citizen escapes you, I'm genuinely concerned for your ability to take care of yourself.

Psst... that's not a wrecking ball, it's just a weighted hook (for stability and stuff).

I'd murder my clone and farm him for parts, because I know for a FACT he would do it to me if I let my guard down. That sonuvabitch.