Try a euphemism once in awhile.

Sir, I don’t believe you get Deadspin...

A player has the ball long enough to be the runner when, after he squeezes the potato with his greedclaw and his thundertrunk suctions to the swampy grass, he is capable off warding of a hex from the Field Magi, swallowing the potato outright, gallivanting to the dusky dimension via mirrorpool or fog portal, or filing…

My highest sports fan aspiration is for the next Warriors/Heat matchup to produce the following headline:

Two/2/TWO party is bullshit, as is your reasoning . You vote for who you feel has earned your vote. This is a democracy; take your two-party decree and shove it. It is a safety net based on primitive human needs to simplify one’s choices, and simple minds gravitate to it.