Not a better love story than Twilight.

When Emmitt Smith, Session’s inexplicably chosen union rep, was told that Clint’s wages were going to be garnished, he replied that there was no need for parsley in this matter.

Volkswagen TDIs are the new YouTube comment section.

Was Ed Begley Jr there? That’s how you’d know it’s legit.

You know what the second largest group of color blind people are? Blue/Yellow color blind. They came close on this one.

It's a simple fix. Once that's done, the A/C just needs a charge and you're all set.

As someone who has reluctantly binge watched Once Upon a Time over the past 4 days, I have to admit that Ruby transforming back sans clothing would significantly increase my investment in the story.

At least 3, maybe 4, more arrests.

And Brendan O’Conner still has a job. Watching the Gawker night shift alternate between Brendan/Shitehawk posts is a clinic in dichotomy.

So, you didn't get let go?

I have all of the conference room calendars for my office on my profile. I just head to the nearest one that’s booked over lunch around 1:00 and I’m all “Whoa! Look! Free food!”

I’m holding out for the eventual discovery of a frozen caveman lawyer preserved well enough to be reanimated.

Ofay?

Serve with super thin slices of raw beef and enjoy fantastic carpaccio.

I call shenanigans on that edit. I can spot a Crown Vic out of my peripheral vision in my rear view mirror at night in the fog with its lights off from about a mile. Maybe two.

Done.

Hardy would have had his Ferrari backed out there.

After driving an LS430 with the adaptive HID headlights on twisty rural roads, I'm a believer. They're practically magic at illuminating where you are going, rather than pointing light uselessly across the road.

Except, you know, in war there isn’t a trial. How would that even work?

My bad on the phrasing - I wasn't referring to the French. I was referring to the people suggesting we just need to have more cultural sensitivity to a group that, as a rule, dehumanizes 50 percent of their own population.