IT IS ABOUT FUCKING TIME.

As a kid, I hated “maybe.” But as a parent, I am the Queen of Maybe. Also “We’ll See,” “I’m Not Sure,” “Perhaps,” and “Ask Me Later.” I have many realms in my empire. And all of them are designed to put off any decision until my child forgets about the ridiculous thing he or she wants to buy that we either cannot…

I feel like they should have gotten someone a bit more... craggy. Phillip’s face in the 70s and 80s did not look this chiseled.

Man, I really, really, REALLY wanted it to be Hugh Laurie. I think he would have been great as Outspoken Curmudgeon Phillip.

His poem did accomplish something, though. After all these years, I finally understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Vogon poetry.

I’m simultaneously fascinated that this exists and terrified that some idiot is going to start thinking they can harvest Fiona’s blood sweat for human use.

I have been jaded about all of these shows ever since my friend told me he had just been picked to be in an episode of House Hunters, one month after he had already bought his house, because this was the way the show worked. THEY ARE ALL LYING LIARS WHO LIE. Regardless, I will continue to watch every single one of…

‘Cause the Communist Party is MANDATORY.

I can’t even imagine how amazing that would be.

My favorite pet rabbit house-trained herself. And she watched television. Her favorite show was Sesame Street and if you tried to change the channel when she was watching it she would jump up and bite you until you turned it back.

All three of those videos made my day! And now I wish I could be in the theater with those kids when they see the movie because I am betting that will be the best screening of Black Panther EVER.

Currently, my comfort crocodile doesn’t have to count as baggage. That’s only for later on, when he’s dead, and I use his skin.

Yes! See, you get it.

Honestly, I don’t understand why the airlines are so freaked out about emotional support animals. I travel with mine as well, and you can’t believe the way some people get upset whenever I bring my 900 lb, 13-foot comfort crocodile on board. He’s perfectly harmless! I NEED HIM FOR SUPPORT

Yeah, of course you do. Isn’t that one of the goals of advertising, morons?

Man, you’re definitely not wrong about this. Also, using your rage to push through your degree and fuel your own success helps some, as does the possibility that one day you’ll be able to enact a bit of karma on the person who fucked with you.

HELL YES. The same argument can be applied to almost anything. Most cars are hardy enough to manage shitty roads; so that must mean we no longer have to spend money maintaining them. Most people can deal with a bout of food poisoning, so that must mean we don’t have to have food safety requirements. It’s all so…

OH I hadn’t clicked on that until you pointed it out. Yes. A thousand times yes. That was brilliant.

I grew up on his movies, and they have informed me as an artist, and I cannot change that fact now, but I can make different decisions moving forward.