Great, when it comes to crunch time, all I’ve got are celloist jokes: how do celloists like to do it? With their legs spread wide.

Marina Abromovic is definitely not Pop Art. But I’m guessing the answer to your question is still yes.

I don’t remember how many partners I’ve slept with, how am I expected to share this information with my husband? (Plus side, my honey is the same way. Big sluts before long term monogamy. Hooray!)

“...and it put me off new agers for ever.” There, I fixed it for you.

This is grim in the sense that I’m an awful person who was sexting with a worse person. He meant to text me “picture my face between your legs” and he texted it to his wife instead. Realized what had gone wrong and said “she’s going to wonder what that’s all about.”

After the Professional, Natalie Portman has had license to do anything she chooses in my book. Some are good some are bad. But she still gets a pass.

Hathaways 4EVA!

Where’s the Rock n Roll?!? Where’re the Misfits?!? #NotMyJem

My experience with microwaves is that a. Plastics are ok to microwave and b. Things come out hot, so dont be a dumbass. My experience with mascara is that you shouldnt apply it directly to your eyeballs. So this seems like a rather extremist scenerio you’re positing here.

Why’s everybody freaking out? Microwaving the mascara properly will kill any bacteria.

Wouldn’t microwaving it kill any bacteria, tho?

Rachel Ray??? Or Rachel Roy... That vowel makes a world of difference which includes a recipe for meatballs stuffed with spaghetti.

San Francisco Jazz festival? To my knowledge only tourists and grandparents go to this event. Not exactly the happening SF thing.

I want this.

Were the audience members never teens themselves? I was a teen a few decades ago but I still remember all the tricks. And that is why I pray for nerdy children.

I love how she subtly insults Letterman “she’s a speech therapist for people with hearing loss” ... And repeat. Because Letterman is old. And awful, but that wasn’t part of the joke.

This is about wearing short skirts! Because we all know short skirts lead to pregnancy. So ladies, please only wear short skirts more than 18 months after giving birth.

Does Lagerfeld even use a cell phone? Apparently he doesn’t email. I deeply hope the answer to my question is no. Please Lagerfeld, please tell me you wear a tech device that won’t pair with anything ever.

Ha!! I've found in the moments post grimace it's usually a good time to remind my honey how much I love him.

Does every relationship have that one partner who says something and that other partner who closes their eyes and grimaces? Because I am the former. And my honey loves the grimacing especially when I load all the utensils into the front of the dishwasher, or lose my slippers, or find money I forgot I had in my pocket.