Goddammit! I thought I was the only one still with an AOL email address!

I got one o’ those. Sister-in-law, instead of making actual toast to my new wife and I at the reception, used her time with the microphone to ramble her way into asking her husband to renew their vows. It remains the single most-remembered moment of our wedding, and you will not be at all surprised to know how hard it…

“We are not going to move the Qatar World Cup, or else all of those slaves will have died in vain.”

To be fair, that baby was *really* mouthin’ off.

Solid list. Think now I’m gonna finish work, go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed.

Damn, SEVEN GAMES, and they don’t even have video from the elevator?!

Oh, God. I think I just came. That was spectacular.

You are correct. Appealing to young readers is not the problem. Being a shitty writer is the problem.

The 4,894th gray hair on Hunter’s old, deceased balls > Simmons.

Anybody *good* would be fine.

Gosh, why take the unnecessary risk of leaving the house at all?

This *might* have been funny to the exact same people who are old enough to get the “wall in Berlin” joke.

Here’s your Hot Taker:

This is a stupid fucking argument. You bat around after nine batters — the entire order — have batted, and the 10th is up to the plate. Christ.

Kid was 0-for-5 with five strikeouts in his pro debut in Boise two years ago, so probably safe to say that first impressions of this kind can often be misleading.

+1,000,000

Boston — The Worldwide Leader in Pretentious Martyrdom.

It also seems strange to think that 1 sack (-1.39) could more than outweigh three touchdown passes (1.11). In fact, in this scoring system, Tony Romo would score only about 1.7 points for a game against the Bears last season in which he was 21 of 26 for 205 yards, three touchdowns and no picks — and the Cowboys won…

Exactly, EXACTLY right. Deron murdered him, made the front office decide him or me. And given that Deron was the young player with the big contract and seemingly limitless potential — and given that management had passed from astute if goofy owner Larry Miller to an assortment of idiot hayseed relatives and…

Goddammit.