Dude, I know most of this is just nonsense. But you really should look out for the guys who are trained in gorilla warfare.

Whatever other criticisms may be leveled at Mr. Lemon — and obviously, there are quite a few — none of them should be over a "quest to hear both sides of all issues." The pretense that "there is only one side to be heard" is as wrong as it is sanctimonious.

Simmons talks just like he writes — way too much.

And not a single one in red pajamas? Something's not right here.

Don't you dare bring the goddamned Broncos into this.

Yeah, that looks pretty fun and all. But I believe "aeroball" is what you're looking for:

When are we gonna learn that these sportscasters are just goddamned THUGS that are ruining this country? Look at the way they treat their OWN NEIGHBORHOODS — like a shooting gallery! Probably arguing over lite beer or Bill Simmons. Just disgraceful, these hoodlums!

Great stuff, Jim. Thanks. Wondering if you or anybody know of a FF site that is customizable enough to permit points to be assigned for first downs, as per your chart (ESPN, at least, does not offer that category for points assignation)? Also, what about 2-point conversions? How would those score in the chart that you…

Hadn't seen this until now — where ya been, rube?! — but it is almost certainly the best ski-racing primer I have ever seen (and I have covered the sport at the elite level, in the media). Very nice work, and thank you for the insight!

Great points. Also, I believe the analysis of run v. pass over the last five years (as opposed to just this season) shows a success rate even more balanced than 57/61.

+3.08567758 × 10¹⁶ — I love that you know that.

Exactly. It requires only rational thought and knowing the rules, not HAVING BEEN IN THE TRENCHES AND PLAYED THE GAME LIKE A REAL MAN.

It was not indefensibly stupid to pass on that play; it was that particular pass play that was the problem. Throwing into the middle out of a formation that gives away the pass? That was the stupid part. You wanna bootleg, with a throw option? Sure! Even better, play-action Lynch into the line and look for an open man…

+100 — We have a winner.

It's true Jones didn't have to go to the lengths of having a press conference about this, but it's equally true that his having done so is hardly anything he'll have to "live down."

Only thing we need to do now is improve it. Sixteen teams — the winners of every conference in the country, plus the next six best teams according to rankings. That would easily include all the real contenders, plus give an honest chance to all those teams from the non-power conferences who are basically shut out of…

And Denver Post says that Broncos management wasn't planning to fire Fox, but then saw the Glazer report — Glazer is tight with Fox, evidently — and started to wonder whether Fox wasn't unhappy and trying to "keep his options open" elsewhere. Makes some sense, too; your defense isn't very good and your superstar…

I feel like I want to build a time machine and travel back to about 1993 and then rob a bank in Paterson, N.J. #HomeFree

Cops Who Appropriate Fallen Colleague's Funeral to Make Petty Political Point Accuse Mayor's Wife of Being Disrespectful.

Well, A) it's merely one of any number of possible examples, hardly the most important thing in the world I agree, but 2) as a sportswriter whose goal is to write the fullest and most engaging article possible about the game, a real answer and explanation could be quite valuable. For example, if Lynch roared off on…