I only minored in it (there’s a gross Roy Moore joke in there) but here’s my analysis:

I just wanna taste Trump’s Tropicana tears right now.

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I was a political science major, and I have been doing a lot of thinking about what a Jones upset would mean. It’s pretty significant, and requires a fair amount of nuanced thinking. So I apologize in advance if this gets kind of dense and long, but here’s the analysis of someone who studies and thinks about this…

What is Mel, I’m a fucking Catholic, Gibson hanging out in a stem cell clinic. I thought they were all dead set against this!

This concussion thing is getting out of hand. /s

What is this water streaming from eyes?

I don’t think it’s the heart that needs your blessing.

I’m more interested in the way she made it sound like 3 generations of her family fought in Vietnam.

I agree that it’s likely not true, but it still makes me chuckle a lot.

I like to imagine that each week Decker is in a closet, deep in meditation, and a ball boy has the task of dramatically interrupting him and saying “Mr. Decker... it’s time”

“My husband was not made aware it was time to go out for the game. Unfortunately a decision was made for him without him knowing,”

“This isn’t the first time he was tricked by his teammates, either. One time, I found him drunk and passed out and a used condom by the bed. We both hate practical jokes and his team should know that!”

There mere fact that she calls “making love” “paw paw” tells me she’s not ready.

I’m not one to call some lady I’ve never met—or even heard of until now—a liar, but, umm...this:

If my husband was too dumb to find his way out of a locker room, I’d keep it to myself.

“My husband was not made aware it was time to go out for the game.”

No and no. Many ex-military members are rejected from serving as officers because they’re ex-military. There are of course exceptions but those usually are due to nepotism.

It makes me happy that they are unhappy. I don’t care if that makes me a shitty person.

That’s pretty much the perfect example of Lawful Evil if I’ve ever seen one right there...