you bastard. take that shit somewhere else. this is a peaceful little town we got here.

“That’s all fine and good....but is it a sandwich?”

It’s a simple question. If you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself?

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I love that little anecdote so much.

Sanders is not a third-party candidate taking votes from the Democratic ticket, no.

The business world can be ruff sometimes.

This was a squirrely move by Ted, who’s been lion to the American people. You can’t monkey with a man’s career, it will never bear fruit.

“Pack your things and get out, you son of a bitch!”

Even worse than firing, he goat-fired him!

“You’re doing it wrong — we don’t even have to go through all that trouble of hiding revenue from players.”

Your insistence on properly identifying parts of speech is what’s keeping us from the revolution

AB, these political eulogies are fan-fucking-tastic.

Oh god, that’s fantastic.

“I need Darmstadt”- Drunk surgeon operating on shark attack victim

For the record, I love our ambivalence toward access. When people give you access they also can take it away and, in return, barter for concessions.

I already have the second one

Most of us disagree with Kevin Draper’s pro-kitten-eating stance.

I had hopes that this would be the first Deadspin staff chat in history in which no one asked a question about us cannibalizing each other.

Water before soap for max foaming