Always highlight truthers.

Berners are the sweetest, goofiest dogs ever. I don't know if all of them are as dumb as mine but he has a heart of gold!

At least now we know the Kentucky football team can beat somebody.

Seriously. 14 dead hookers in a shipping container and no one wants the case. One Ripken and every cop in a 50 mile radius is on the scene.

The page in the NFL rulebook that explains the tuck rule

Ripkins payed a ransom and don't want anyone to know it. That's my theory and I'm stickin' to it.

Not sure if an official suspect, but worth posting:

I feel like it should be a red flag if a prostitute uses the term "intercourse."

I've heard that.

The idea of Dan Snyder fucking a horse is completely crude and unnecessary, Kyle. I hope you're sued to the highest extent of the law by that poor horse.

The moment at which you start screaming and hurling swears at an employee is the moment at which you deserve absolutely no sympathy or understanding whatsoever.

Brennenstuhl threw out Heath's allegation that the White Ribbon Campaign discriminates against men, but allowed to proceed Heath's claim that the Argonauts threatened to cancel his season tickets over his complaint.

Argonaut all men.

P.S. You really should take up eating meat again. Millions of people starve to death every day and would gladly trade places with you.

Obviously the steak fajitas had not been grilled enough. The longer you grill them, the more tender they become. Look it up.

But are you allergic to crunchy?

And the Oscar for Bestest Use Of A Kitchenette Inside Joke in a Horrible Customer Story goes to ...

I want a goddamn coffee latte in a goddamn monogrammed thermos right now!!!! And God help you if there's any red in there because I'm allergic to red!