I beg to differ. My friend Jesús won't shut the fuck up about fútbol.

I realize Fidel Castro has done some brutal, horrible shit in his day, but I hope the fucker never dies. Are there more self important, hyperbolic people in the US than Miami based Cuban Americans who are convinced Castro is the number one threat to everything good and decent in the world? Memo: It's not fucking 1962.

I disagree. They appear to be good at getting caught.

The happiest team about all of this nonsense? The Colts. No one's talking about how badly they shit the bed Sunday night, or how timidly and poorly Pagano coached them.

Am I the only one who thinks that it looks like Goodell pissed his pants in that picture?

You probably need a hobby.

"The NFL turned to sixth alternate Joe Flacco, but he declined because his wife is expecting their third child."

ESPN BOTTOM LINE: Wilson 0-4 when targeting God.

This isn't anything new. After Super Bowl XXV, Scott Norwood kept shaking his head and muttering "God hates FGs".

"That's God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special," he said, as he was untied by his father Abraham.

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. I can hit a 7 iron over 175 yards. My GIR last year was 40th on the PGA. I can hit a…

"It's such a shame that people are focusing on whether the story is true."

It's not "The Criminals" getting kids killed or shooting up schools. As far as I'm concerned, they can have their guns. It's the regular citizens that I'm worried about.

Or you could tell her that it is where you keep your gun locked up and that guns are for killing and you own that gun for shooting people dead. And that dead people are dead forever. Then you could teach her some actual gun safety in case she ever stumbles across your firearm.

Just riffing here.

The saddest Sons of Anarchy fan club ever.

Ok.

Scott Hall makes doing "suck it" look like he's on the verge of a heart attack

"The state will assemble a child fatality review board to determine whether the parents should be charged with a crime."

I'm not joking when I say I thought all of these people were already dead.

I think the crowd would've really fallen for Owen Hart.