here's my sex spreadsheet

Socks can actually be an asset to sex. The first sex I had after my second divorce was with a slightly Aspie but total good guy programmer I picked up at Folsom, and he said he preferred to keep his socks on because cold feet negatively impacted his performance and warm feet demonstrably assisted. I've encouraged…

Am I the only one who immediately thought of Slim Goodbody? Or does that just really date me?

JESUS H. CHRIST

Has a dick pic ever worked for anyone ever? "You have deplorable table manners, your stance on same sex marriage is alarming, and your relationship with your mother has a distinct Psycho vibe. However, your penis is pleasingly shaped and the crown has a certain joie de vivre. How soon can we marry?"

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

Laugh all you want, frat boys, I'm nomming ham!

On the one hand, I appreciate that you realize this is all due to sheer, dumb luck and not entitlement or hard work or superiority or anything else.

Several years ago, I started dating a most amazing guy just six months after I'd given up on love (for good this time!). Before too long, he started pestering me to get my iron checked, because I'd been vegan for 10+ years and he just thought it would be smart. Being uninsured and feeling perfectly healthy, I put…

My last husband bought me a very nice engagement ring...he was an asshole, and the marriage didn't last long. I was thinking of asking a friend to sell my ring, and put it in my purse. We met, she said I would get about 1/3 of it's value by selling it on line. The next night, my youngest son and I went to a hockey…

Im sorry. This just makes me hate you. I'm a bitter person.

She doesn't need a valid excuse. All humans have the right to refuse sex, at any time, without reason. If he takes issue with that, he can talk to her like a human, or he can end the marriage. I suppose he can also make horrible, passive aggressive lists, but that makes him pretty awful.

So, when I was in the 7th grade my science teacher sent me into the storeroom to get out some more beakers and I noticed a big bottle marked "ether". Having been a lover of the Curious George books as a kid, I knew that sniffing ether got you high (or at least got Curious George high) so I thought it would be cool to…

I am out jogging. I have a seizure(I have epilepsy- this happens). I fall, luckily to the side of the road, and not in it. In a fugue, I guess I get up and start walking home. A lovely lady, who happens to be an em follows me home (bc sometimes people with seizure disorders can freak out while in a fugue), makes sure…

I was in New York City for a week with my best friend, who was going to a film camp at NYU. I was already pretty lucky, in that her mom paid for me to go, including train fare there, and a week at the Times Square Hilton. Life was beautiful. I rode the subway somewhere different every day, and walked around, and…

I used to bike commute in Seattle. One morning I was riding to work early so that I could leave early and go to a beer festival. Typically I would ride in at 10 or 11am and work 8 hours, but this time I went in at 8, which is rush hour and the time when people are assholes/aren't quite awake/in a huge hurry.

I consider myself a somewhat lucky person, but my 19th birthday was, seriously, the luckiest day of my life.

This starts with a bunch of bad, but stick with me. I got drunk one night, and my best friend joked that I was going to end up having sex with his younger brother, whom I had just met. I apparently got feisty, and shouted that "I [was] going to marry him!"

once my music teacher said he waned to test if I had perfect pitch, so could I sing Middle C. I had no idea, so I went 'um mm'. The pitch of my uncertainty was exactly middle c.

I'd just gone through a horrific breakup after moving in with the guy a few months prior, and the only roommate I could find quickly in my budget lived literally across the hall from him. One day I'd overslept because I was so fucking depressed over everything, so I dragged my ass to my bus stop. It was miserably…