Thanks. And call me Bender.

Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that keep you from becoming a full-on rageaholic in the comments section.

Truly, this is the darkest timeline.

Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

In Soviet Russia, joke tells you! What a country!

My dad has back problems stemming from a slipped disc in his lower vertebrae, and sometimes he finds he's actually more comfortable standing than sitting.

Oh hell no. That reclining position wouldn't make me more productive, it would make me more likely to fall asleep at my desk.

Blazing Saddles.

Trump can't handle stairs? What is he, a fucking Dalek?

Depends on which pope it was. Benedict would be a perfect villain. JP2 or Francis, not so much.

Pence may or may not be worse than Trump, but at least he can be dealt with using conventional methods. Trump's somehow managed to suffer little or no damage so far despite all the crap that's been thrown at him.

Arby's! We have the meats!

I know it's not exactly Subway's fault, but I stopped eating there regularly when Jared started having his legal troubles. I think it's probably more like I was growing tired of them anyway and just needed an extra shove to finish the job.

To be fair, toasting the sandwich is kinda the point of Quiznos. I'm not sure I've ever had a Quiznos sub that would be improved by serving it cold.

It's a different chain. Mr. Sub is Canadian, Mr. Subb (note the second B) is in eastern New York.

The local Quiznos franchisee went out of business, and I've never heard of TOGO's. Having said that, near my work I have access to three delis, a local sub chain, a Jersey Mike's, and even a couple pizzerias that also make subs. I would only set foot in a Subway if there was something specific I wanted or if somehow…

Other commenters with experience in programming have already chimed in and offered takes that are better than anything I'm likely to come up with, but I'll take a hack at it anyway:

I misread this as "[…] by ramen" and was briefly intensely curious.

Lil' Sweet on a tiny horse!

We were evicted from our hole in the ground.