When Ford was having its engine fire recall a few years back, I changed the punchline of the old "found on road dead" joke to "Fire On Random Days."

She got promoted (from Secretary of State) after Janet Napolitano became Secretary of Homeland Security. After that, she got reelected because she hated immigrants more than her opponent.

I've been using Tuscany For Men since around 1990. This makes me both old and old-fashioned, but as long as women keep telling me it smells good, I'm going to keep wearing it. I'm lazy like that.

If you want to defriend them, defriend them. It's your life.

You know what's really insane about that site. They seem to think they're bipartisan!

Well, speaking as a Democrat who's probably going to buy 3 to 5 pro-Obama shirts between now and November:

Just republish all your old Phantom Menace articles in 3-D. There, done.

On the other hand, maybe Saavik beat young Spock senseless instead!

Somehow, I feel like this is Courtney Stodden's fault.

Jimmy the Greek said African-Americans were better athletes because white people bred them like animals.

What about the (apparent) teenagers dancing with her? Those kids are so uncool that even the Up With People kids would want to beat them up!

I'm guessing her entire campaign staff was about to quit, and that forced her hand.

The checks were endorsed by the husband, and the wife was depositing them into a joint account (which would have had the husband's name on them). The only way your theory makes sense is if Pete Iorizzo stole checks from another guy named "Pete Iorizzo!"

Santorum is also too lazy to check the jurisprudence and suchlike. He'll just blame it all on activist judges.

Sadly, I think Santorum's sex scandal is probably just that he doesn't like sex at all. He's so fundamentalist he probably has to pray to Jesus for a hour just for the strength to get naked with his own wife.

I'm currently using a dynamic IP address from a free city-wide wifi network, and I'm surprised at how few downloads it shows — Two movies and four albums. All it really proves is that people in Ypsilanti, Michigan have horrible taste — Sex and the City 2, Drake, and Maroon 5? Come on, people, that's just embarrassing!

Well, if it's going to happen every year, they might as well stop fighting it, and make it a tourist attraction.

SyFy was probably scared away from the "modern magic world" thing by Dresden Files flopping.

Weird tricks like this aren't meant to turn Democratic voters into Republican voters. They're meant to discourage less-committed Democrats from voting for and/or donating to Obama. It's about undermining Democratic morale by opening old wounds, mostly.

Are write-in votes allowed?