“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

Um, if it had nothing to do with the city, then why is the T-Rex short for Torontosauras Rex, idiot.

A toddler might say to you, “Vroom vroom, I am a truck!”

DENMAKR is a dating app that describes itself as being “for Bob Villa types.”

Really, how hard was the hit? Did Alexander ring Graham’s bell?

Like most versions, this one’s gonna have incest.

And at the end of Trump’s fourth year, she’s gonna yell “The Aristocrats!”

“Ted Cruz is the greatest ringball player of all time. Period.”

Sent to me by Sean Spicer.

When I put a can of Hamm’s, a rusted 20lb dumbbell, 16 bags of beef jerky (plain), and a pair of sturdy cargo shorts I bought on sale at Kohl’s into a 1992 Ford Ranger with 210k miles on it and parked that thing in the blazing hot sun I never knew the child I created in that hot fusion cell would be born as a fully…

“See, the thing is, the reason you want to drain the swamp is, once you get enough of that murky brown gathered on the tarp, you can really take a nice long mud bath. It’s good for the skin, keeps mosquitoes away, and provides ample camouflage so shop owners don’t take their brooms to shoo you away from their…

He’ll receive two paychecks because he also drives the team bus.

Washington football: the open boxcar of the NFL.

I dunno. Depends.

“The best way I can describe it is, having a diaper on & never changing it. And just sitting in that diaper the whole year.”

Why’d the whole family blame Kevin for the spilled drinks? Buzz clearly started it, and he should know better since he’s older! It really is unfair. And the cop they sent to the house couldn’t break in and make sure he was safe? Seems like a total failure by every adult involved. So sad.

“A man” is setting yours sights pretty high, Emma. Have you considered a “journeyman?”

I’m not going to let you site calories as the concern if you’re talking about bacon as your preference. You can say carbs, if you’re one of those Amstel light motherfuckers, but I won’t accept calories.
Besides, you counteract the sleepiness of the carbs by drinking heinous and unhealthy amounts of coffee. Then you…

That’s no moon. . . .

They’re yet another sign of Russia’s infiltration and perversion of American values.