If not the car, then I can at least tell you where to find a 6 foot tall, slim, loner Asian girl with 38DD natural boobs and a penchant for being a spoiled brat.

Look. I get that there's a lot of stupid, unfair criticism of Lebron, Bosh, and the Heat. And I agree that a lot of it is wrong, over-the-top, and pointless. I get that.

Feel better now?

I really wanted that to end with a pool dunk.

Your neighbour's sister takes it in the pooper.

This is a dumb and bad opinion.

"I caught Tim Duncan peeking at me a little bit,"

GAME 2 INJURY REPORT:

Describing cheesesteaks as "greasy missiles" is slanderously biased journalism. Would you call pizzas "sebaceous piecharts" or hamburgers "bovine slurrycakes"?

#yesallpeople?

Guy doing the finger guns can fuck right off.

COME AT ME FLOWTIE DO YOU EVEN LAMINAR FLOW

Partial findings by Nelson Forensics indicate that some support structures were not designed in a way that would hold the weight anticipated on that level of the stadium.

Only steers and bad engineers come from Texas, and I sure don't think we're looking at steers.

"Here's your problem. See this support column? Looks like it was designed by a guy who learned calculus at a school which spent its money on a football stadium instead of a decent teacher."

Size 8s and Heartbreak

You're new to the Deadspin way, huh?

This is the first time a cat has ever done anything selfless, hence it's news.