“Sometimes the meter runs out. Sorry, but it just happens.”

And when it does, you get a parking ticket. Sorry, but it just happens.

If only there were some magical way to predict exactly when the meter runs out so that you can plan accordingly.

I’d venture in the Pats’ case, the “Trump” audible is some kind of fancy dog whistle.

He’s Wisconsin skinny. It’s graded on a curve there.

When I was about 22 ish (back when the Loch Ness monster was just a tadpole) a 60ish man put his hand down my skirt and squeezed my ass at a charity function. My then boyfriend tried to make me tell someone, but all I wanted to do was leave.

Husky and Starch

Short-form Foodspin trailer

I couldn’t figure out why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger....then it hit me.

On the college level, University of Alabama sororities have reiterated their opposition to anything resembling a colored rush on campus.

Makes sense that the Rams would wear white, seeing as they haven’t scored yet.

Lochte said there had been one robber, while Feigen allegedly said there had been more than one.

I’d rather them find my bloated, cheese dust covered carcass in the break room floor than eat a goddamn apple from a vending machine.

Pinochle? Get off the internet Grandpa.

“Well the good news is now your mom can finally get a belt made”

The 30-inch Zyla

Adams: I’m going to just relax my body because there’s no fucking way Draymond is going to kick me in the nuts agai...💀🎶hello darkness, my old friend....🎶

Hopefully Draymond Green doesn’t wake up tied to railroad tracks.