Uh, did someone forget that there are two brand new video game consoles (one of which has already beaten all game console first-week sales records in less than one day) on the shelves this year?

"Sweet, strong, and medicinal." So not much has changed then.

After Hunt connected with Cech's head back in '06, they were short of options in goal and signed John Olerud.

Medical Practitioner: "What's the score?"

We were at a party
His ear lobe fell in the deep
Someone reached in and grabbed it
It was a rock lobster

Unfortunately, the last-minute replacement they called to fill in didn't do much better.

I love you! "My plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activities where balls fly at my nose." "Well there goes your social life."

All the "I forbid you to die" lines are so frickin cliche. I eyeroll every time. *sigh*

Tigers pitcher Denny McLain hinted at some darker, less savory reasons for why the team traded first baseman Prince Fielder today

Unlike the foreign issues that drove John Rocker out of New York City.

Antiontio Cromartie

Or the hulking offensive star who brought a friend to help him corner a short, pretty instructor alone in her closet office and scare her within an inch of her life for telling the athletic department he was clowning in class.

A) Stop. Please. You are making the term 'feminist' embarrassing. Right now, the Surpreme Court is poised to review a 9th circuit ruling that relates to defunding Planned Parenthood because it offers abortion services and you are on about selfies. This is absurd. We are trying to fight real battles. This isn't one of…

I'm going straight to hell for this one: Pat Summitt.

Mark Sanchez

Greg Oden.

J.R. Smith

Peyton Manning.

I can't wait until these minimalist designs are taken to the ultimate extreme so that they're so minimal I don't ever have to see this shit again.