Options kind of leave Malcolm in the middle.

Perhaps it’s 3-1 lead poisoning.

He will undergo testing as fears mount that he is showing signs of early onset MLS.

for me personally if im going to put forth the effort to follow a story of absolutely zero consequence that is still repeatedly popping up in the news this week it has to be juicero. sorry to the partios players and coaches

This is terrible news for the Celtics, because now it’ll be extra embarrassing when they lose this series anyway.

He’s heading to Trump Tower over the weekend to discuss the Securities and Exchange Commission chairmanship.

“Where are you from?”

So THIS is the undercover midwestern racism everyone talks about.

Something tells me you won’t need to worry about anyone talking to you...

And I have to Craigslist to find a woman to hit me and spit on me. Some guys get all the luck.

I want to get inside Ellie from Brooklyn’s head. She’s got some hot existential takes - “the basis of our lives is our beliefs” and “People don’t live their lives on an ideological wavelength” - and decides, on September 12th, to call into Mike and the Mad Dog to share them.

Russell Westbrook: “I don’t give a fuck about the line.”

This is my favourite excerpt.

The paths of Hernandez and Gronk could not be more wildly different since 2012.

Just looking for the restroom.

In the last 24 hours, the Celtics went down 0-2 to a laughable Bulls team, Aaron Hernandez committed suicide, and Gronk yukked it up with a propaganda minister nobody respects.

No joke, I want to run through a brick wall for this guy RIGHT NOW. Holy shit.