One sip of alcohol is all it takes for Bacchus to hijack your body. If you don't drink, he threatens your loved ones, like your genitals, from the label of cooking sherrys and television screens.

What were the shapeshifters hoping to accomplish? An inheritance scam? The plan took too long and disproportionately targeted the destitute.

I put more faith in Terry Jones's Field Guide to Goblins. He, at least, bothered to illustrate it.

Carrot cake is great, especially when made with real carrots. It's hard to make a cake taste terrible.

Every staffer needs at least three cameras following them at any given moment of their life. Get off your ass and start being professional AV Club!

In grade school, all the kids would get an RC cola on their birthday. I never got one because my birthday was in the summer. This alone has elevated the drink to a mystical status where I'm never good enough to drink it.

As a former Wyomingite, I can assure you that children fight off Grizzly bear attacks going to and from school all the time without the need of firearms. We are all equipped with fertilizer explosives that we are trained to detonate in case everyone else is faster than us.

I still maintain airplanes flying and cars driving against their will is slavery.

Fuck eagles. Tyrion deserves to ride a dragon made out of wine bottles. He will bring peace throughout the land through alcohol poisoning, and then build his throne out of broken empties and the corpses of whores he used and discarded.

I suspect they believe if the trees die out, they'll become petrified. This'll create a maze the desert will get lost in, thus protecting the rest of China from the onslaught.

It is by willys alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the Juice of Bladder that thoughts acquire speed,
Lips acquire stain,
The stain becomes a warning,
It is by willys alone I set my mind in motion.

Of course. It has everything to do with the Korean War.

I always believed they should have seeded New Caprica with humans, but have the majority move on. Find another suitable planet, drop some more people off, and rinse/repeat hoping one of them will survive the Cylon hunting party.

Forget it JD, it's Mormonism.

Sometimes, when you stare into the abyss, the abyss takes up residence on your couch and won't even clean up after themself.

No, the EU migration crisis is because the US has not come to democratize those countries. Rats will flee the sinking ships, and then only the true blue native sons will be left to inherit the continent.

No, it didn't. But she got nude, which allowed her to act with her whole body, not just her face.

She is best always forever. Except when she is not, which is when I hate her. Why is she mean to her tiny brother and children when they are all she has left of her marriage? Hugs her brother too long.

And here I was hoping one of the states preferred Keeled Over.

Cool.
Cool cool cool.