Mohd's been infected by a puppeteer. Or a poorly cloned hero has gotten at his keyboard. Damn things make a mess of everything and melt the possessions they fondled to boot.

Damn, I thought he was going to produce the long-overdue sequel to Tuf Voyaging.

It's a shame Pamyu adopted the cliched Hindu imagery of the earth balanced on elephants and a turtle. Her own heritage held the world was atop a thrashing carp that induced all the frequent earthquakes. Or steal from the California Indians, who held that a giant frog lived atop the Sierra Nevadas, and its piss was…

Fuck it. When I get a kid, I'll name it Yueh, Thufir, or Sihaya. Sci Fi is on the downswing, so they'll get properly ridiculed to build their backbones.

Gotta nuke them all!

Lubrication is such a luxury. I do it dry to cause friction burns. Eternal, deforming scars to distract me from the wreckage that is the rest of my life.

I agree with the lack of sweetness. My mother loves watermelon, grew up on it. It's grown much blander from her childhood when they were sold along roads and they pulled a plug for you to try the product because they knew it was so good you'd buy it. Her favorite was the yellow kind, which no doubt has also…

Well, to answer the fuck you…

Thus, we are all the poorer for the lack of a Tasha Robinson/Scott Tobias/Keith Phipps snuff three-way.

Todd really dicked us by nixing Breaking Bad and then pulling the rug from under Community in his conspiracy to have the Good Wife win.

Which character do you masturbate to the most? I give it to Hannah, because she'd find it more flattering. I like to think each successful spurt makes her a little more confident.

My apologies, no. I was trying to convey that all Jon has going for him is being pretty. Martell has the elusive trait of personality atop his dreamy swarthiness.

Jon Snow should have been spitting teeth after kissing the anvil. I refuse to believe the Mountain's fist, gauntleted or not, is harder than an anvil. Equally hard would be acceptable, but we can't jack the grill of pretty boy.

But did the Whitewalkers or the Dragons build him? That's what I'm waiting for book 8 to find out.

Some of us aren't innately gifted to know if we insert the Hordor before or after Hordor. Sometimes I Hordor too much, or not enough, so all that comes out is mushmouthed rigmarole.

Make him the second Emperor of the United States. Norton would approve.

Jack needs to learn that a woman should be seen and never heard. Why Meg hasn't remarried by now is a mystery akin to the Bermuda Triangle.

As a pathetic, masturbating virgin, publicly shaming my demographic gives me a raging boner. I'll be rubbing it against some superhero plushies over the next hour.

Luckily, to grow a vagina, you need to not only nurture it, but pamper it. A little negligence is all it takes to make it wither before it takes root.

So many female writers now. I miss the good old days of penis-centric movie criticism.