matty_pee_80
matty_pee_80
matty_pee_80

[Beethoven’s 9th symphony begins blaring]
[images of hyenas eating corpses]
[images of ISIS beheadings]
[penile plethysmograph needle starts vibrating]
[images of Bambi running around in forest fire]
[images of race riots]
[images of universal collapse]
[penile plethysmograph needle scratching faster]
[images of medieval

Your repeated requests that I not read into this are causing me to read into this.

So he got married?

It would be much cheaper if the Yankees paid opposing pitchers to walk or plunk him.

Hopefully they don’t have an interleague game at Wrigley this year, because if he sees hundreds of cups full of pee, he may go catatonic.

It really is remarkable that the Yankees managed to make A-Rod a sympathetic figure.

Not even Drew's polo shirt?

Nothing is better than this.

You aren't better than this?

Only because Barry is the likeliest Hodor candidate.

This is the least stupid and pointless comparing-things-to-Game-of-Thrones-characters thing ever written.

I was just talking to a friend about this very same topic.

Mostly the lack of Baelish.

Somebody get this kid some reading classes, I mean 3 minutes goddamn.

Samer, you're better than this.

What the fuck?

180 seconds of my life I will never, ever get back.

At some point in history my kids got possession of fake dog shit that looks troubling real. They use it often and it has been an April Fool's staple in the past. This morning I went into the bathroom and saw it on the floor, Ha Ha real original guys. It was only after I'd picked it up with my bare hand I realized

My 1.5 year old smelled like she crapped her diaper.

My son was born on April 1st and that little disappointment continues to be the cruelest prank the universe has ever played on me.