"This is no way to teach accounting!"

"Why did the pretty girl die, alone, surrounded by sweater-wearing cats that are trained to use human toilets"

that wasn't a quote, that's how i feel.

Because I wasted 15 years of my life on a man who left me with nothing but stretch marks and a foggy memory of two planned orgasms and now its time to get whats MINE

I lived in Lisbon for a bit as a baby. It is a beautiful city. Never had falafel there though.

"Hey! Troy sneezes like a girl."
"And how about I pound you like a boy that didn't come out right."

"Shirley! That's the most racist thing I've ever heard"
"Pierce will beat that in 1 minute"

9/11 was pretty much the 9/11 of the falafel business.

Not a fan. In every movie there's an authority figure who gets mad at him for making people laugh.

I love the episodes where they set up all the conflicts super obviously and economically just with like, 4 lines around the study table. This is one of those episodes.

You could die in your sleep. You could get hit by a bus. You, that mole is raised and dark, not a good combination.

Introduction to Film: "Do you like Dane Cook?"

Did you say "S"?

Not yet! But I will watch it tomorrow for sures! I know the premise and I'm very excited. I'm also behind on Car Boyz and hear very good things about the last ep.

Chang: "Why are there costumes? These are short conversations, they're not supposed to take-"
Jeff: "Your breath away?"

I've see the face of dementia, and last night… I saw it again.

"I'll show you some sperm"

I was gonna go for the scotch, but I don't want to waste it on this asshole.

Spanish 101, if you're curious.

I have those "scotch rocks" things. Its still p rough though.