You want free Chipotle? Go to the University of Denver. Now get out of here before I put the two of you in a burrito.

Intellivision, of course. Having to use that little directional pad to compose poetry to Lara in the "ice palace" level struck me as a distinctly Soviet touch.

In Soviet Russia, viral markets YOU! And then we laugh because there are no markets, only a lone melon left in a single produce bin after waiting in line for eight hours! What a country!

…and then I sat in on watching them shoot the [porn] scene for a while. The one thing that surprised me was that…

Thankee-sai.

The reporter who misinterpreted this story should be sentenced to…(raises eyebrow)…helping his LANDlady take out her GARbage.

"I'm sorry! I thought the title was 'Yakety Sex'! Wait, don't go!"

Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds' The Boatman's Call was a lovely experience. Moreso because we, um, finished before "Green Eyes" came on. That lyric is almost like a set of traffic cones at the end of a pleasant stretch of highway: "you have been relaxing to this music for far too long! Press stop immediately!"

Trim it down even further, and you'll soon have an FPS version of Atari's Adventure. I bet that damned bat will have a hard time stealing my gravity gun!

MYOOOOOSICAL Guest, Sour Grapes!

"A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones," says the NIV translation. Although I believe the MMS (Macho Man Savage) translation of the verse is, "Ohhh YEAH! Dig it!"

2 Corinthians…walk into a bar. Both vote for Clinton, but are stone cold stunned to find that millions of other people found that pronunciation perfectly acceptable for a presidential candidate.

Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up with current trailers, but the cast gets their asses kicked, pal.

SAMUEL L. JACKSON: Denzel Washington taught me how to have resting fart face!

Mel Gibson will find a way. TWO movies are conclusively better than his.

You will! And the company that will bring it to you: AT&T.

SECRET ENDING TO INTERVIEW:

I've located Uncle Miltie and RuPaul's…exchange at the 1993 VMAs over at this Vietnamese site: ( http://kenh14.vn/video/vmas… ) At the time, I remember thinking Berle's comebacks were pretty sharp for a guy his age. Now that I know that he probably had stolen and stockpiled any number of them over the years, now…

Mrs. Begins is obsessed with Mr. Benson's podcasts, and enthusiastically signed up to do the Doug Loves Movies Challenge this year, whereupon we watch all 62 Oscar-nominated films before the Oscar broadcast this Sunday. Which is how that asshole made me watch 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi. Which required…

I'm not about to say "forget 'Funky Drummer'", but it was Stubblefield's break on the 1970 "Give It Up Or Turnit A Loose" that always got my heart racing, with James Brown commanding funk into existence with "Clyde!" and "Bootsy!" as the two of them launch into perfect accompaniment (it's at 4:58 in this link: http://…