I mean, the non-existent law of averages has to make sure that the McElroy brothers stop being funny eventually, right? Because the MBMBAM where they took on the Yahoo! Questioner who was erotically attracted to garlic bread nearly required Mrs. Mattman Begins to enter an oxygen tent from laughing so hard. Maybe…

Oh, he's Billy now, I see—we're on a diminutive-name basis with the man. Well, the copy editing may be shit, but his responses are solid gold shit, maestro.

I could be having a really terrible day—some moron at work, another beloved dead musician, a national election—and hearing Louise Belcher shriek some inappropriate encouragement at one of her parents will somehow always make me feel better. Thank you for that, Ms. Schaal. Your Wednesday fun-time always makes a…

Yes, always.

I would watch the crap out of any game show hosted by John Lithgow. Maybe he can take over for Trebek one day? "Phrase it in the form-a of a question, monkey-boy!"

You did fine, as far as I'm concerned. It was such a tragically unique event that it couldn't help but be mentioned (the legal implications of that situation were interesting to read about; let's face it, nobody wants that to ever happen again on a movie set, but there are a lot of purely…

The chocolate-holder anecdote tells me that Mike Myers is now rich enough to hire people to hold ice cream for him, in case there are any gay people around.

"Maria's Bed", man. I've never heard Bruce sing in the high, confessional register he uses for that song either before or since in his discography—maybe I just haven't dug deep enough. But it not only gives the song a warmth and sensitivity all its own, it proves, like Dylan's charming lilt on Nashville Skyline,…

Well, you liked it that time, but when I go back in time and trip you on your way into the theater, will you like it as much this time?

This script is gonna eat my gonads!

I asked them to. I wrote an e-mail saying, "Negga, please?"

The script of this movie basically IS the inner monologue of my life, and it's such a treat to meet someone or see an article that appreciates this gem as much as I do. Everyone—from the bit parts, as mentioned in this piece about the luggage salesman—to the antagonists (Mr. Waturi has that simultaneously…

Emm Teevee News: YOU hear it (wikki wikki wikki wikki!) first! (BANG!)

Wow, that's exciting! I just got my AARP card in the mail today, so this is due to happen to me any second now, I bet!

And the sex? Tell us about the sex! Like, will there be any?

Hint: not in Arkansas.

5. Alec Baldwin
As "The Mimic" on Saturday Night Live, he didn't overstay his welcome, and was able to prolong laughter with poor imitations of seagulls, a crotchety old lady, and Sir Paul McCartney, who not only played the butler in the sketch, but went on later in the program to answer Chris Farley's burning…

One on one, eh? Call me out of touch, but when the morning comes, they'll be back together again.

And he has surprising insights about "Baby I'm A Star."

He only wants to see you standing in some purple pants.