When it comes to stupid movies that are still a lot of fun, give me THE MUMMY over INDEPENDENCE DAY anytime.

"Any last requests, PIG?"
"Yeah, loosen the knot and let me go."

Same here: So THAT'S what that shot was about in BIRDMAN. It was just a teaser for Inarritu's next movie. Like a Marvel end-credits scene, only at the beginning and not at all.

"I read in Rap Pages they referred to me as 'soft'
Yeah—more like 'Microsoft!'"

Jerry: "Hey, champ! One, two, three, four, five - and one for good luck!"
Fletcher: "He struck the child. You see that?"

No need, Will, to apologize for this (from "Freakin' It"):

"Your honor, I object!"
"Why is that, Mr. Reede?"
"Because it's devastating to my case!!"
"Overruled."
"GOOD CALL!!!"

"What the hell are you doing???"
(pause)
"I'M KICKING MY ASS! DO YA MINNNNNNND?!?!?!?!?!?!

Don't forget Mr. E!

I really enjoyed him in CHARLIE BARTLETT.

A tweet from a few years ago, during one of his Grammy hosting gigs: "My host is like a shark's fin."

From "For Good," the climactic song of WICKED:

I always liked this bit from Frank Rich's review of the musical RAGS; I feel like this sums up Stephen Schwartz somewhat:

I hope they keep the Iraq War/George W. Bush references.

Common: "Simply put, it's one of the greatest pieces of art ever made-"
Me: OH ***SHUT UP***!!!!!!!

Honestly, one of the more unbearable moments for me was the introduction of "Hamilton." Given their incredible fortune over the last year, you'd think the producers could have managed to be a *little* humble, but NO WAY WE'RE GONNA GET THE GODDAMN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES TO INTRODUCE *OUR NUMBER* FUUUUUUUUUUUCK…

I really enjoyed James Corden's opening: not only was it not unbearable (Me, last night: "WHAT THE FUCK HOST BANTER THAT ISN'T UNBEARABLE-"), but it was a sweet, earnest, "Come be with us!" presentation. I was clapping hard by the end.

I'm looking forward more to his upcoming rap album, Nazarene Wit Beatitudes.

ONE TWO THREE TIMES TWO TO THE SIX

And then: "YOU WANNA GET NUTS?? C'MON LET'S GET NUTS"