You're absolutely right about the cognitive dissonance. It's an extremely fun read - but you believe it at the end when Halliday tells Watts, essentially, 'Don't be like me.'

Because if there's anything a young Oscar-winning actress needs to be doing, it's another damn superhero movie.

MY MAN JORM FUCKS ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

"A pretty girl is like a minstrel show
It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, you go…

THE ARTIST had a really charming idea behind it - but that idea couldn't sustain the entire movie, and by the halfway point you start to notice just how thin the story was.

"It turns out that the most authentically angry thing about Red is his unspoken but clear isolationist streak and mistrust of immigrants."

I didn't think it was *that* bad. Granted, it was surprising at times what they didn't get - but everyone has knowledge gaps, and as for the odd physical corpsing… well, not everyone can be cool as a cucumber on a game show.

Loki: "ILLUSION God, Dad, I'm an ILLUSION God!"

As long as they include the Carl Douglas song, I'm cool.

Cusack, looking at the apps on his phone: "They float! THEY ALL FLOAT!!!"

I hope we can at least agree, all of us, that the John Lennon scene was fucking terrible.

"Sky rockets in flight / Backstreet's back, all right!" - @Arr

"Meg, do you think Jack really loves me?"
"You know I don't care, 'cause Jack really bugs me…"

Odd thing about the first one: Even though it's definitely a fan of R.L. Stine and pats him on the back for his success, the movie genially pokes fun at the original source material… to the point where it actually kind of defangs the movie.

Shame the original director is coming back - because the first movie had some genuinely interesting ideas (The "Goosebumps" monsters coming to life because 'sometimes your characters become real even to you'; R.L. Stine imagining a daughter for himself out of loneliness; etc.), which weren't taken advantage of AT ALL.

"Come see the new musical spoof of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, HITCH!"

I swear, every official "parody musical" (as in, something that is actually staged, preferably in New York) only has two jokes: Either add "The Musical" to the end of the title, OR ADD A FUCKING EXCLAMATION POINT!!!

BULLSHIT

This is the worst affront to the peoples' will since the Pulitzer board refused to award Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?.

"Like there’s a better name in the world than Boaty McBoatface."