"SOMEONE'S IN A BAD MOOD ON MY SON'S BIRTHDAY BULLSHIT"

"Don't just make money, Robert. MAKE MEMORIES."

To be fair, Mitt Romney knows that if you've got the fame, you fuck the models.

Randy Newman already wrote that song: https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Shit, I'm holding out for President Mike Jones!

Born in the U.S.A. in Space gets a lot of play, too.

You know what's a really good song? "My Best Was Never Good Enough" from THE GHOST OF TOM JOAD.

One of my favorite jokes, from John Oliver's TERRIFYING TIMES special: "See, organized religion *is* the answer! Thank God! All of them! And of course the real one. Whoever he - or indeed she! - may be. (I'm joking, of course: he.)"

"Look. We all know 'Valerian' is kind of a pill…"

As long as they interpolate "Let's Do It For Our Country" from GREASE 2.

J.D., in a latter-season episode of SCRUBS:

A roger! A loved one! A joystick, dong! Zipper-lizard, tallywhacker, trouser snake, schlong!

FUCK YOU

Shakespeare was quite the attention whore. Probably why he got mauled by that bear.

Two months from now, DiCaprio will lose the Oscar due to lack of the "bear rape" scene that was CLEARLY promised.

Shakespeare: "All my direction states is, 'Exit, pursued by a bear,' I promise!"

I went to Holiday Hair recently for a bowl cut.

Jeb Bush: "Hell yeah he would!"

As someone who does have a TV, the movie is inescapable. It's not just TV spots (which, to be fair, I haven't seen many): EVERY AD FOR EVERY PRODUCT is now tied into the movie. Campbell's Soup, HP Printers, Duracell batteries, etc… it's gotten to the point where I now expect every commercial to turn into a Star Wars…

When I saw it in theaters, I remember thinking it was an unambitious, uninteresting crime drama that, as it was, didn't need to exist. Haven't bothered to see it since.