Funny you should mention that, because I laughed out loud for the first time in a while at the dude asking if he can never drink or smoke again because he had kids. 

I ordered soup! Soups not a meal!

I’d watch that movie. Wait, I have watched that movie — it was excellent! Sometimes the classics really are that good, yanno?

Wow, he’s really lucky, because, while they take drug offenses super-seriously in New Hampshire, they recently repealed the death penalty. Not only that, but hanging was still on the books in NH as one of the possible means of execution, until earlier this year! So, he won’t have to worry about mobs of people…

You millennials, always stuck on the latest new things.

If these walls could talk; you’d probably hate their accent.

[Psst, I know it’s about his waffling (get it? a breakfast reference), I’m continuing with disbelief, based on his girth, that his synapses would short-circuit before a non-choice he’s not forced to make, that he’d just take both. In footballery, Andy Reid would both go for it on fourth-and-one and punt if he could,…

this post is wonderful and should be getting ALL the love

“But, but...the Triangle...lol” 

The call is coming from inside the house!

William McGlashan,55, is a resident of Mill Valley, California.

Yeah, again, I’d be with you if it didn’t indicate that Islanders fans don’t exactly know what pyjamas are.

Counterpoint: Let sports fans have irrational sports fan fun. Did you seriously come to a sports site and start judging other people for yelling and throwing stuffed animals? Well now that you have gotten off your chest what YOU would never do at a sporting event and have clearly established superiority you can go on…

Hearing the Coliseum roar like that makes Gary Bettman and every other league water-carrier look like an absolute fool and liar for saying that the Coliseum isn’t a “league worthy” arena.

UPDATE: Got a great deal on a hotel room through Priceline!

This is the dumbest take possible.  You should be ashamed.

That is EXACTLY what a dead guy would tweet.