I will never, ever understand how he could change direction suddenly enough to avoid committing charging fouls in both of those instances without either of his own ankles exploding.

Just let him know that it’s going tibia okay.

Or his taste.

When you've had the kind of drought the Skins have had, there comes a time that even your Cousins start to look pretty good.

I am fresh out of e-coli and norovirus. May I substitute smallpox?

Well, we already know he’s drinking piss.

I love my Patriots, but hot damn does Denver deserve all the credit for this game. Their defense played as close to perfectly as they could. Miller was truly terrifying and the Pats O-line had no answers at all in that game.

I think the most unbelievable part of the patrolman’s story is that he didn’t repeatedly shoot Chandler Jones.

Detroit does not really support a pro football team.

What beaches? Asking for a friend

Mike Tyson final boss confirmed.

“Finish the job.” — Michael Vick

Because if there’s anyone I trust to prevent blunders, it’s the NFL league office.

The house arrest that he is currently under seems reasonable. At least we know he’s securely confined to his home with the mandated ankle monitors.

We haven’t seen a front flip like that by someone with a penis since the end of the East German women’s gymnastics team.

He really wanged that ball. I mean he just cocked back and drilled it. That thing was hammered. Even a one-eyed monster could tell that junk was headed all the way to Johnsonville. The Mets are really giving the Cubs the shaft.

Not very well apparently.

It’s all part of the 12-step program. Just as soon as you’re 12 steps out of the building, they fire your ass.