True story - you used to have to read books to get an English degree!

Glad you enjoyed psycho. And shackleford- go back to deadspin. (he's my brother by the way)

Bear with me, there are a trio of morals at the end.

Getting your ESPN account suspended for 24 hours > Tebow

I just got suspended too, upon my first posting. How can the moderator not agree that Jerry Jones' last facelift > Tebow?

The Woodward and Bernstein of cock once again rears his mustachioed head.

It's a great idea in theory. But the next thing you know, the coffin will be stained some shade of orange that doesn't exist in nature and will likely spend the entire morning on the can.

Being a teenager in the nihilistic '10s must be awesome.

Before putting our favorite Heather back on her well-deserved bully-pulpit, Education Connection unleashed the worst commercial jingle in history last year. If you haven't heard it before, you're welcome.

If this were the case, they'd all be called "Partially Hydrogenated Cottonseed Oil"

Usually I love a good pun, but I'm finding it hard to rise to the occasion this afternoon.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn is officially the French Gary Condit. (look it up, kids)

The one good thing about the DSK case being dismissed is that he can now go the fuck back to France.

Strum a dixieland tune as you coquettishly recite Herb Brooks' "Miracle on Ice"pre-game speech. Oh yeah - IN A THONG!

Also. she has to be "relatable" cute.

Nancy Grace is currently accepting applications for the next potential victim and/or criminal to put before the mob. They must, however, meet certain requirements. Age: 20-28. Gender: Female. Race: Are you f-ing kidding me?

Maybe we should all avoid something that Donald Rumsfeld was heavily involved in making legal. [www.rense.com]

I love all you Jezzies!

Then I am not going to rain on your parade. I will continue this feckless charade and insist from now on that I have never heard of Oprah Winfrey!

After a bit more research on this thing called Google, I saw that she was the voice of Judge Bumbleton in my favorite movie of all time - Bee Movie! Can't believe I never knew her name before now!