You have to take the baton game very seriously. Wear fine linens, neatly pressed, and sit in the crowd quietly. When you feel an emotion, whisper it into a leather wallet and then keep the wallet safe inside another larger wallet. At the end of the match, after the baton competitors shake hands and exchange LinkedIn…

If a girl says she wants to be “just friends,” but you were never her friend to begin with, does that mean that you’re ugly and you’ll never find love no matter how many books on pick up artistry you take out of the local library and also, who needs friends anyway?

Sorry for the confusion but I actually work at Peet’s now.

Jesus, man, are you a calculator or a human being? Of course it’s grotesque. This money is the equivalent of a salt-grain-sized fragment of a single penny to the organization. It’s almost literally nothing; it’s only something as an abstraction, a line in an accounting worksheet. “Whoops,” is a perfectly fine…

Prosecutor: “Now Mr. Pierre-Paul, is the man who tweeted your medical records in the courtroom today?”

I’m chancing it, I know. Every man and his dog will be posting an old Rolls, an old Porsche or a tired S-Class, something like that.

That’s honestly the story of WWII. A large number of individual events could have completely changed the war.

43 year-old Planet Hollywood patron John Hornacek: And I guess in the end I just didn’t feel like basketball was my calling. Different strokes for different folks, you know? Hit me. Fuck!

Not a fan of Germans reenacting World War Two.

Thats a male body-builder with Willem Dafoe’s face pasted on

• “ENTERTAINING GUESTS BY INSERTING THE WOODEN LEG OF A CHAIR INTO HIS RECTUM”

This is to clever by half, if you lived in a western country you were protected by these weapons. That said we did have some crazy plans but at least we were on the side of democracy and freedom.

Had him take a pic.

Here are some pictures I took from my own trip to the Missouri at Pearl Harbor a few years ago. The vault-like navigation bridge was one of the things that struck me as well; you really can’t believe how solid it is until you see it yourself:

I havent seen such a self-inflincting final play of the game since Bobby Boucher intentionally gave the ball to a linebacker so he could dropkick him in response to disrespecting his mama.

I (partially) learned to drive stick on a red ‘93 FD long before I could really drive, or even totally reach the pedals. The guy who owned it, my dad’s eccentric bachelor friend (of course, right?) would always toss me the keys to “valet” it as soon as he walked in the door. Naturally, I found a long route from the…

Thank god he’s under 25 and on his parents’ plan. Actually thanks Obama for that one, not god.

My favorite memory of my PS1 is my now late cat, Stacy puking directly into the optics after opening the lid, killing the console.

OK, so a few things here:

My girlfriend is a Krav Maga black belt and i can't tell you how often i told my buddies "Dude, she totally boned me!"