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I love the sentiment, but we should strive for achievable goals.

Buy your cars for yourselves, not for anyone else.

When did they start letting women be lesbians?

I read that in a “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” voice.

Elon is recommending affected vehicles should be upgraded to full autonomous driving, making the need to see what’s in front of you unnecessary.

I don’t know what you are talking about, this one is brilliant:

I have very much enjoyed your presence, your writing, and your journey for years, Mercedes - I just wanted to let you know.

I work in entertainment, and this is one of the realest and truest things I have heard someone in this industry say:

Can confirm, was in the room when this was said, to great applause.

AJAB

Sadly, sold out.

Absolutely agreed.

When he’s imprisoned, maybe he’ll understand what the lack of body autonomy actually means.

Chicago’s very own...

Pictured: Blonde Ambition

...give the guest a better perception of seeing the nice, fluffy meat,...

“The Red Rocker,” I do believe, is the man’s nickname.

Spilling them now on the Jezebel Discord:

A lowlight of my career is that one time Pauly called me creepy and weird for something that was neither.