As a Mariners fan, I’m not looking forward to the derpfest that’s going to follow when the Mariners retire Ichiro’s #51 while the “real fans” fail to accept that Randy Johnston went into the HoF as a Diamondback.

Go to hell.

Cool Story Bro: Was at a Bed Bath and Beyond in Houston several years ago, and out of the corner of my eye, this ball goes bouncing down the aisle, quickly followed by what I could only assume at the time was an alien spacecraft, a giant silvery blur. A few seconds later, Dikembe comes strolling back, ball in hand in…

People tend to notice when you appear to whip out your weiner and whizz right there on the field

He didn’t Czech himself and thus wrecked himself.

If it weren’t for Forza, maybe he would have learned not to drive so damned fast in the rain.

It’s funny how “singles hitter” is an insult when that’s entire point of batting leadoff. You never hear people go after closers with hot takes like “HE WAS A ONE INNING PITCHER DURRR OVERRATED”

I know right? If Baseball was a team sport instead of an individual sport, I could understand him not winning a championship or even a playoff series, since obviously he would only be one player on a team of dozens that would each have to perform well in order to be successful. But since Ichiro is the sole reason as…

That take was so strong, it could bench 450 and squat 750.

Ichiro is so awesome. Imagine if he started playing in the majors when he was 20 instead of 29. He’d have had one of the greatest careers ever.

Easily my favorite all time baseball player. Him and Mike Sweeney.

Don't wear flip-flops next time and you'll probably win.

You'd think Koreans would be good at tracking which side of the line things were on.

Such a move, while premature, at least didn't hurt his BABIMBOP.

Little known fact: McDonalds once tried to honor Brian Knight by naming a burger after him in their trademark way. The promotion was cancelled however, when droves of middle aged women showed up expecting smooth urban adult contemporary R&B.

Also pissed off all the green triangles inside the strike zone? Patty McBreen, President, Lucky Charms Marshmallow Union Local 238.

"Try having an argument with him. He's never wrong. It's always my fault."