Oh. My. God. I was picturing little white nits, but a spider... Holy shit.

Hey, you got out! Congrats! Someday my dream will come true, too.

Exactly. Unless you were kidding. Then, ummm, yeah, no, I don’t do that.

How bad a season do you think Marvin Lewis would have to deliver for Mike “Please Die Already” Brown to fire him? I say anything more than 3 wins, and Marvin is safe. Thoughts?

I don’t know, I feel like I’d just be hungry all the time.

Oh, hell yes!

Oh god, I hadn’t even considered the smell. <<shudder>> This is clearly (I hope) not the case, but my knee-jerk thought when I see white people with dreads is, “I bet there are bugs in there.”

Thank you, I am now dry-heaving.

YES. Or baby powder, which makes me want to vomit. Or anything food-scented. Like, why do I want my armpits to smell like peaches? I’ve gone unisex as far as deodorant, soap, and shaving cream go.

Dear Jeebus, please make it Tom Brady during his first appearance of the season. I want to see Goodell’s head finally explode. And any fakin’ racist Pats fans out there.

I’m in.

Welcome to NC. “What a mess” should be our new motto.

+1 Vincent Kartheiser

I can’t. Stop. Watching this. Damn you.

You bastard.

“As for televising Ultimate Russian Roulette, no. I’m not watching that and neither are you. I like watching boxing matches and football games, but I don’t want anyone to actually DIE. That would make me feel guilty for watching it, and that would be a real buzzkill. Oh, and I’d feel bad for the dead guy too, I guess.”

F, Marry, Kill: Donald, Hillary, green Skittle...

I bought my 8-eyelet Docs on Halloween, 1995. I still wear them, though they desperately need to be resoled.

This is on my car right now:

Turns out that her coughing was the result of overtraining to huff and puff and blow the curtains down. Also, this is all delicious.