Plush 1

and what’s the point of language if not to efficiently convey meaning?

Once again I just stopped by to fill a few minutes gap between busy work.

My favorite part is the Devils announcer beginning to explain how “there’s a nerve” in your calf that would make you jump three feet in the air a second after being slashed.

And it should be 2-on-2 full court, and if you make three shots in a row the ball lights on fire, and monster dunks are announced with a “Boom-Shakalaka!”

Jerry knows a lot about balls. He’s had so many facelifts that his are now located right below his chin.

This much is sure: it looks a lot worse in slow motion than it does at regular speed.

Iran/Russia/China/North Korea are all out to get us! There are terrorists everywhere!We need more stealth fighters and stealth ships and a new trillion dollar stealth bomber fleet and airborne lasers because its still 1985! Healthcare? Education? Go away commie!!

We need more defense spending! Legalize automatic assault weapons! Give children and teachers guns! Build a wall at the Mexico border and make the Mexicans pay for it!

This is great, but how about the NFL’s creepy insistance that I have unprotected sex after the game?

Again, finding it personally distasteful is fine. I do! But making more out of it than that is pretty weird, considering that whatever personal trait it demonstrates evidently did not stop Cam Newton from being the best player in the NFL this season and taking his team to the Super Bowl.

Or, if you foul a player who doesn’t have the ball the team can select the free throw shooter from the players on the court. Similar to a technical. If you’re dumb enough to pass the ball to DeAndre Jordan when the foul occurs then he has to shoot his own free throws, but if he doesn’t have the ball you’re getting no…

I doubt Adam Silver has that authority.

Easiest fix: teams can choose to shoot free throws or take the ball out of bounds when in the penalty and it is a non-shooting foul, and there isn’t less than 2 minutes left in the quarter. Foul DeAndre all you want, they’ll just decline the free throws.

They are calling it the John Scott update, since Bettman doesn’t want you to see them play.

THE NHL RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REPORT SUCH MISCONDUCT TO APPROPRIATE LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES.

“That’s not so bad.”

That crinkling sound was him opening the crackers, which he then PUT DOWN ON THE FLOOR.

I don’t even want to look up what an “Alaskan Bus Ride” is. Whatever you have to do, I guess.