“Build someone a fire and they’re warm for an hour, but set someone on fire and they’re warm for the rest of their life.”

Nice closing to the article. I approve. I am also a honda engineer!
(Not really, see how that works? You can say ANYTHING)

And they said Kobe couldn’t get people up out of their seats anymore.

You better believe when Samaki Walker talks, people Google him.

Reached for comment, Kevin Love said, “I can’t really defend his firing. Or the job he did as coach. ...Actually, I can’t defend anything. Please don’t ask me to.”

As a former delivery driver for several years in the 90's...Fuck you for making me risk life and limb for your $5.99 plain pie and offering me a whole dollar for my efforts. I’d rather go home with no money. Man up and open a can of soup.

There should be a special state law that says if you make a delivery guy deliver without tipping him in the middle of a storm, he should legally be able to throw you down the stairs. The higher up you live, the more steps he gets to use.

Two stories, iterations of which are probably widespread around Chicago.

OCCUPY HERBSTREIT !

He could have put Evans in a baby bjorn and carried him up the court.

Cool move by those franchises, bet they’re thinking “it will be so much easier to ask for public funds for upgrades/new facilities now”

How would Fox News respond to this? ‘Hoo-rah these Murican patriot heroes saved our citizens from the evil Islamists yet again. Build a statue to these patriots!’”

I work in marketing. I’m pretty good at it.

Yes! A highly reliable SUV.

Q: Stan, can you in fact throw a football over them mountains?

Looks like they missed a chip shot field goal on this one too. RIP Vikings.

But enough about what Big Ben likes to get up to in public restrooms, how’s he gonna get ready for the game?

12. Horrific motorboating accident.

I’m a pretty big grammar stickler, but you’re taking it a bit far.