'If the answer is "yes", then a dick's been put into it'. Oh yes indeed, from an eggcup to the Large Hadron Collider at Cern….

Letters to Grocer's Weekly.

I've been balliwicked. Couldn't walk straight for three days.

Big Hairy Treeballs

'Yes, is it true they're trying to sign that Honduran guy who seems to have constant injury problems, and what's the most embarrassing salad vegetable they've ever fucked?'

As horrific a book as this?
http://2.darkroom.stylist.c…

With bits or without?

Don't care if anybody's done this before ….

A fairly expensive limited edition print I bought in Italy also turned up on the wall in the first Insidious. Couldn't work out if the set designer or director was also a fan, or there are far more of these things out there than I thought…

Oh shit, another Weinstein sobfest - The Woman And The Sofa….

Easy answer - Don't call your kid Madison. or wear a condom like anybody with a brain.

Stan? Stan Swagman with the satellite dish and the dozen DVD burners? He's got everything, including some Macedonian porn that'll turn your hair white

Not even going to dignify that second line with an answer…..

Crap! [note to self - read this nonsense before posting nonsense of one's own]

The rarely mentioned Medusa brother.

Or one who pisses about with a puzzle box to disastrous ends.

I'd have been disappointed had that ended any other way.

I think the Scots would quickly call bullshit on 'rolled oats are a genius and uniquely American creation'.

'Sweet Teeth' sounds like a TV-edited Mel Gibson.

You have to love lawyers, four pages to politely say 'Go fuck yourself with a leper's cock on a stick, you sleazy streak of shit'.