'Mummy, mummy, what's an orgasm?'
'No idea, ask your father…..'

You should have heard the one I thought of, and immediately gave myself a mental smack round the face for even thinking it in the first place!

Pitt the Ultrasound

Scurvy.

Were you the one who made those oatmeal and raisin cookies? Bloody things pulled one of my fillings clean out. And the one we fed the dog gave it the scoots.

After he left them The Marx Brothers were a Zeppo lighter.

And he never returned my weed whacker. Said Zac Efron nicked it from his trailer when he was making Dirty Grandpa. Lying tit. And he didn't clean my paint brushes after I leant them to him either.

Better than bloody 'Gordon'.

Don't sweat it, just remember what they did to Rasputin. Hopefully this jerk will get the same treatment.

Is that Sting in the picture? I thought it was Ryan Stiles with constipation. I'm going over to Paris to be with La Femme Diabolik over the weekend. Things are going to be tense.

Wow. One comment in 48 hours. Bodes well for this particular bunfight.

And the rabbit-eating Jackmans, particularly prevelant in Australia.

'Today’s price is within $7 of an all-time low,' What a strange sentence.

Shame that thing doesn't use oil. There's few things more entertaining than watching YouTube clips of pissed-up rednecks trying to drop a 28lb turkey into a cauldron of boiling oil and very nearly flash-frying / cremating themselves and their family.

Not so much this weekend, and it's pissing down outside so probably won't be going out, but saw John Carpenter in concert during the week. Just terrific. A awful lot of him and his band live is on YouTube if you want to see what was going on.

Actually Corey Taylor was on the new series of QI last night. Came over as rather fun and amiable, even if he was asked to moderate his language for BBC2.

The new teaser poster has a terrific ad-line - 'Always Be Yourself - Unless You Can Be Batman'. Words to live your life by.

Also the author of a superb book, Only Victims: A Study Of Show Business Blacklisting, about the McCarthy witchhunts, a genuinely brilliant read. Very few people have been in a truly iconic spy series, written a well regarded filmic text, appeared in Coronation Street and made a Joe D'Amato horror pic. Will! Quick!…

Yep, and then Friday it starts all over again. TRUMP JR./ SANTORUM 2020!

I think that possibly the funniest sequence in the whole series. The woman literally working herself into a paroxysm over immigrants is both hilarious and sadly precient.