I use it to hire octopus hit-men. Never let me down yet.

That's your excuse for everything.

I suppose you only drink camomile, peppermint and the like, because you think proper tea is theft.

Pixelated mullets. Edgy.

Registers 'You Are Gonads Now'. Wonders why on earth he has done this.

Never thought I'd see Jimmy Edwards ever referenced here.

45 Years is truly brilliant. Shame he didn't get an Oscar nod as well as Rampling.

Airs on Sunday night, just had the third one.

It's actually rather good.

CLINT ACTIONKNOB!

Used to shit the life out of you when you would get a hotel bill for a million lira, then work out it was about £400 and very reasonable actually. Same as in restaurants. 'Holy Jeez! 37,500! What the….. oh, actually that's very good value….'

'Herbert Long?' Tut, tut, tut, Teti. Herbert Lom, or Herbert Charles Angelo Kuchacevich de Schluderpacheru to his friends. Flay yourself for twenty minutes with this cat o'nine tails as penance. [Edit] Crap, beaten by eight minutes, since that's how long it took to type out Herbert Charles Angelo Kuchacevich de…

Can't fucking stand the man. Really makes my skin crawl. If he were black and played all his roles as an eye-rolling stupid 'Stepin Fetchit' caricature he would be rightly pilloried, but somehow this vile Asian stereotype he plays on is acceptable.

*ahem*

We Know What She Did Last Summer.

I have salt-and-pepper hair, trouble is it's getting saltier by the day.

Or Dan Hedaya, half-man, half welcome-mat.

I would add - Always wash your brushes.

Dear Jesus yes. I can think of a few things I've attempted in both the professional and personal spheres which have gone horrifically wrong and cause me pain and embarrassment to this day, but also those which were absolute leaps in the dark which came off, including some years ago somehow summoning up the courage,…

I thought we were being polite in not mentioning that…