I want to make a dark, introspective drama called Assault on Precient 13.

Lawn, fuck off, in my day it was all green fields round here….. you know the drill.

Yes, very tough, gritty pic courtesy of William Lustig. Terrific performances by Robert Forster and Woody Strode, Pretty forthright in its handling of vigilantism but certainly entertaining,

Death Wish III, filmed about ten minutes away from me. I live in East London. Oh Cannon, you really didn't care, did you?

I love it too, and it features the amazing Marine Jahan, I won't even make it to my bunk so I won't even try.

That's how they should re-release it in the more conservative states - 'Southern Comfort - Deliverance without all the man-ass stuff!'

Still would.

This Summer on Starz - Ash Vs Friends! I'd binge-watch the hell out of that.

Wilfred Pickles?

Congratulations!

That idea is more or less the basis of Michael Winner's terrible but strangely fascinating The Nightcomers, a supposed 'prequel' before such things were named, to the events of The Innocents. A truly bizarre central performance from Marlon Brando as Quint, surprise surprise, keeps it weirdly watchable, but it's rarely…

Only once a year…. and even then it's down a chimney…

My father was one of the British troops who had to guard the Trieste garage where Mussolini and Carla Petacci were hanged. The bodies had been taken away before they got there but the cut ropes used for the job were still hanging from girders in the ceiling. Said there was blood everywhere, they were obviously…

Quite what that has to do with steak I'm still trying to figure out.

If it was he in the costume, the one which had him dressed as Uncle Sam, on very high stilts, and climbing onto a high diving board before jumping off. For some reason that gives me the utter terrors when I see it, thinking of what could have gone wrong.

A man who was parachuted in to 'save' ITV's Celebrity Love Island and even he left after a day and a half because of how sleazy the whole set-up and the 'celebrities' were.

Yeman, you got him.

Be honest, by 'car' you meant school bus and it's why you haven't worked since 1998.

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Or a monorail! *twirls cane*