I often ask the Hispanics in my life for their thoughts about the people and events I write of — and what a privilege it is for me to be able to keep a finger on the throbbing pulse of these wonderfully hot-blooded, impulsive people. Today I asked my backup gardener Miguel if he had any thoughts about John McCain.

Juicy. Too bad Gawker isn’t around to do a story about salacious Melania rumors.

But that won’t happen, because —

Here’s the popcorn emoji. 🍿 I’m still hunting for the auto-cocrophagic shitworm emoji.

This story truly reads like something from The Onion aimed at mocking the self- & media-obsessiveness of Trumpers. No wonder The Onion are having a tough time extracting comedy from these delusional dumbfuck assholes.

Exemplifying McCain as an asshole: this contemptuous-as-fuck 2006 letter of his to then-Senator Obama — which in light of Obama’s 2008 victory is a fine source of sweet, sweet retroactive schadenfreude.

Let us not forget ...

And nobody talks about the ravages of Mountain Dew.

“Friendship ended with Donald, baby!”

And Prong 2 of their two-pronged defense strategy:

The witch hunt’s gettin’ good.

You do have a point there. I guess a better choice for Death by Snu Snu would be Mike Pence. He’d be all like oh sweet Jesus help me NOT THE SNU SNU

Kenya believe it?

Probably this guy.

You forgot ...

“The Kaiser is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice.”

I wish someone would stage a parade in DC like this one, on the previously scheduled day of the canceled parade. Bill it as Trump’s “Consolation Parade.”

Regarding that “666% Increase” (derived from the Pentagon’s original and revised estimates) that appears in so many headlines: I’d really like to imagine that we’ve been punk’d by some numerologically-inclined Pentagon bean-counters here.

I like how you made your point without resorting to cerebronormative-shaming.