I was told there would be elephants.

I am replying to myself and my own article to let the record show that I am not racist since I wear white after Labor Day.

I love Bake-Off, but I can’t stand this family show. First, because I like watching people who are massively better than me at cooking and/or baking, and second because if I wanted to see a passive-aggressive fight before a meal, I’d go make sauce at my mom’s house. 

I’m a cold bitch.  I have a heated mattress pad, a fleece blanket, and a down comforter. 

I would much prefer the parents of 3-13 year olds to march onto a plane wearing a sandwich board that reads “I’m aware of my responsibility to make sure my child does not kick your seat, throw food, or otherwise disturb you. Please let me know if I’m failing” 

It is great that the Smith family is helping the people of Flint, but man I am so tired of seeing celebrities and billionaires having to step up and do the government’s job. 

It’s like you’ve never had your head in a giant container with bees before. Cage doesn’t act... he simply is... what more is there?

So they’re taking Nic Cages face off and putting it onto another actor’s... They should make a movie about this.

You’re thinking about it all wrong. Do you have any idea what kind of competitive advantage that cup size is going to give you?

He is an egg playing at being a man.

An egg-man, if you will—though he holds no Doctoral degree, however much his arrogance and smarm might imply that he does.

I agree with you on the laugh track - EXCEPT. The laugh track in the first couple seasons of M*A*S*H includes a dude with the most hilarious, goofy, weird guffaw-giggle, and that laugh makes me laugh even if the joke doesn’t. It’s so good.

Winston GIF thread? Winston GIF thread.

“take off ur cardigan... take off ur second cardigan”

more like Justin TruDON’T YOU TRY YOUR PRIMITIVE ALPHA DOMINANCE DISPLAY ON ME YOU CRUSTY ORANGE POTATO I’LL DESTROY YOU WITH MY INTELLECT AND CHARM amirite?

Yeah it's almost like if there's any hint of a conflict a SCOTUS Justice should recuse *cough Thomas cough*

Yup. I’m a sucker I will buy any one these for the 5th time if they put them on PS4. I don’t care. Judge me.

Every random encounter is an opportunity to improve Zidane’s Thievery skill, so I for one will elect not to use this feature!