I’ve said this time and time again, but let me reiterate: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE for whom paying in cash creates “pain” (other than the pain of figuring out what to do with change)?

“I feared for my life when that boy was walking away from me so I shot him 16 times because that specifically is what the Chicago police department taught me to do. Now, I fear for my children.”

I’m not. This is just stupid, and there are many ways beyond using a potentially lethal device to wake an unresponsive person. This is at the maturity level of me poking my brother in the ear with the end of a broken Hula Hoop to wake him up...when I was 9.

How can a company that has not made a single dollar in profit or literally recalled every product they’ve ever sold be considered successful?

Successful? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Haha. Ha. Ha. heh. ha. ugggghhhhhh.

If your adviser were any good at predicting the market, he wouldn’t be an adviser (and would be rich as all fuck).

“Is it even legal to refuse us” Jesus Lord, are you serious? And 15 pounds is not a small dog. I have small dogs (5 pounds, 8 pounds). I tried an empty dog friendly patio once, never again.

“Why can’t my dog sit just outside the restaurant patio?”

fuck that. film the cops regardless.

WHITE PEOPLE

Way to go hackers, it’s going to take the PGA forever to come up with replacement tournament logos featuring a trophy surrounded by two golf clubs.

I was going to give you a star for a nice sarcastic take, then I read the next followup and realized you are serious.

Yes, I agree, Kevin Love’s contract extension is truly a threat to America. WHY CAN’T EVERYONE ELSE SEE IT?!?!?!?!?

That’s transparently a semantic, move-the-goalposts, cop-out of a bet because you specifically name Kim and you specifically say lead and you specifically name yourself even though this was initially about all of the Kardashians/Jenners (Chyna too dont @ me) and all of the coverage from all the Jez staff. But hell, I’l…

Personally I like when Jez pretends they’re sick of things they continue to cover ad infinitum

The agenda is not “penis is evil”, but rather “why should we accept unwanted penis and tolerate career punishment for rejecting said unwanted penis”.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Plus, why would you want to see your star shortstop injure himself jumping into the crowd after making a routine catch in fair territory?

Tweetie and Roadrunner both suck. They are simply lame foils for the ingenious comedic stylings of Sylvester and Wile E. Pretty much true of Fudd, as well.

Pepe Le Pew is a rapist.