This is why you will never break out of the local market, Steve-o. Here, see, this is how a correspondent on a network’s national show gets this done:

I kind of like how the twins are also orange. It’s like there’s a theme.

What a time to be alive

Well played! To both you and Jon Lovitz!

The Kardashians.

I might as well go to bed because there won’t be anything better than this to be seen today.

It’s on Jezebel because someone had to report this magical story, and Rachel Corte is clearly doing the lord’s work right now.

There should also be a law that imposes the death penalty on the owner of any public restroom that runs out of toilet paper.

This is on Jezebel because... his mother was a woman?

Don’t blame him, 3" is pretty worthless.

Perfection. The VW mechanic’s uniform, the cardboard labeled cheat box and the commentary “Mr. Müller says it’s okay as long as no one finds out.”

Am I the only one who seems to have been disappointed by his monologued? There were a couple huge missteps.

What if you discover that the goat is your true love?

Most white people have no opinion about this song. Of the white people who do have an opinion, most are listening to, requesting, and/or purchasing the song. Don’t believe Gawker that there is some sort of organized race riot... the story here is invented for clicks.

I loved “Rachel from Friends” on Weekend Update.